“I am really sorry to interrupt you but I have to end our session right now, I have a family emergency and I have to go.” 

It was about 20 minutes into a therapy session with a client and I just couldn’t hold myself together any longer. Five minutes prior to the session I received an urgent phone call from my son’s daycare informing me that he was in the emergency room. My son had a seizure and fainted in the classroom. 

My client nodded sensing the urgency of the situation and without saying a word, he got up from his chair and left. It was 5 pm and I still had 5 more clients scheduled that day. I frantically gathered all of my things and raced over to the front desk to ask the receptionists to cancel all of my remaining client appointments for the day. As much as I wanted to get to the ER right away, it would still take me an hour and a half to get to my son. The time and space separating me from my sick child felt like the longest distance in the world. 

As I ran down the busy New York street trying to catch a train back to New Jersey, I couldn’t stop tearing up and uttering the small breathless prayer, Lord, please let my son be okay. I finally boarded the train, collapsed into my seat, and tried to collect my thoughts. In that moment, a conversation that I had with a friend just one day before this ordeal began to replay in my mind. 

The friend, who was also a new mom herself, criticized me for not being a “good mom” since I went out to have coffee with friends “all the time”. I was confused and asked her what she meant by that and she proceeded to take out her cell phone and open my Facebook page to make her point.

First, she showed me a post that I wrote about a lunch date with a friend whom I had not seen since my wedding four years ago. It was during a quick 45-minute lunch break at work and I had decided to take a photo and write a post about this rare and special opportunity I had to reconnect with a friend. My heart was filled with gratitude when we reminisced at how she’d managed to make it to my wedding even after having a car accident on the way there.

The second post she showed me was one I wrote about having coffee with a college friend who was visiting from California. Again, I had not seen this friend in three years and my supportive husband encouraged me to catch up with him and offered to stay home with our son that Saturday afternoon. During the coffee meetup, I was shocked and saddened to hear about the health challenges he had experienced since our last meeting but I was also deeply encouraged by his testimony of finding Christ during this dark period and his determination to recover from an illness that was deemed impossible to heal from.

There is always so much more behind a social media post and photo, but I wasn’t given a chance to share these special stories to the fellow mom who took one look at these posts and made a superficial snap judgment. Even though I recognized that I was being judged unfairly, I still couldn’t stop the guilt that followed. I couldn’t stop blaming and questioning myself wondering if she was right. Was I truly a “bad mom”? If I was a good mom, maybe my son wouldn’t have fainted and had a seizure at daycare. If I was a good mom, I should have stayed home to be with him 24/7 instead of sending him to daycare part-time. If I was a good mom, then I should have turned down the meetups with friends…

The idea that there is a universal standard for being a “good mom” is a myth, yet the mom guilt is very real. 

Today is Mother’s Day and my prayer is that one day all moms can find a safe space to honestly talk about their challenges and needs for self-care without judgment. Being a mom is hard especially with social media’s unrealistic influences and impossible standards, so a genuine empathic heart and an active listening ear really go a long way!

So, what’s the definition of a “good mom” anyway? 

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”

Proverbs‬ 16:24‬ ESV‬‬

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs‬ 12:18‬ ESV‬‬

- Susan C.
A social worker striving to follow God’s call to serve, listen, encourage and love others well. Currently a senior program manager at Human Trafficking Intervention Program at Garden of Hope - NY. Formerly served as a counselor at Restore NYC, counselor advocate at Womankind (also known as New York Asian Women Center), and community outreach coordinator at Asian Community Mental Health Services (ACMHS), all for human trafficking program.
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